Do you always run at the mouth or is this the Tuesday afternoon special?

I had to take Jack to the doctor on Tuesday. Monday when I picked him up from school (daycare) he looked off, by Tuesday he was in full on sick mode. I called the doctors office to get an appointment, I was hoping to get in first thing Wednesday morning because our lovely amazing so nice doctor only works Monday, Wednesday, Friday. But as I was listing the symptoms and discussing his asthma the receptionist said, um actually I want you to talk to the nurse. The nurse gets on and said, oh we need to see him right now. So we were off.

There are 8 doctors in the practice, I was thinking please don't let it be the icky mean doctor with the icky mean nurse. Which nurse? "Nurse Ratched" When Jack was 5 days old we took him in because he was upset and crying all the time. We were thinking he could have a milk allergy and acid reflux like Sydney. The nurse said to Jack, "I think you've got your mommy's number." WHAT? What did she just say? Are you basically saying I'm being a softy? I just stared at her blankly and then said, "I don't think so, acid reflux and extreme food allergies run in the family." a.k.a Stop touching my baby and get out.

So yes that was the nurse I was dreading. The doctor is icky because he has zero absolutely zero people skills. He barely mumbles hello, and with every symptom I say he just types it into his computer and then asks a follow up question, it makes me feel like he is trying to catch me in a lie. example:

Doctor Icky: "and how long has Jack had a runny nose?"
Me: "about 1 week now"
Doctor Icky types into his computer, looks up and says: "ok so you would say about 5 days, yes?"
Me: "yes, or maybe 4, 6, I'm not totally sure."
Doctor Icky: "five days of yellow snot or five days of sniffling?"
Me: "um......" Geez.

So we check in and sit in the waiting room. Sure enough Nurse Ratched rolls out from the desk, "Jackson." We collect our belongings and followed her to the room. She then said something I found very strange, "Please get him naked." Naked? Did she really say naked? Most of the time they say please take him down to a diaper, or please undress him. But "Nurse no holds barred" says naked. I lay him on the table and she says, "Holy cow he is a big boy." I cringed, ok I'll let this one slide, I just smiled. I took off his clothes and she is asking me his symptoms, she walks over to him and rips his socks off. Ok I guess she really meant naked. She says again, "man you are just a big boy aren't you." After violating him with the thermometer, twice, "ooops it wasn't on the first time." She said to me, "Ok let's go see how much his royal bigness weighs." Holy crap! She just has absolute diarrhea of the freaking mouth! Yes Jack is big but shit lady he isn't a two ton tubby. I don't see MTV True Life cameras following me around filming the new special, I'm a mother of a ginormous baby. No that's not Bob and Jilly (as sydney calls her) in my pocket and I'm not feeding him the Special K diet. I was pissed.

Doctor Icky did his assessment, asking me about 10 questions about Jack's asthma and his doctors at Children's Hospital. After his exam they did a nebulizer treatment in office, Nurse in your face came back with the tank. I scowled at her. I think she knew she had pushed me too far. She set up the neb and was trying to explain to me how to hold the mask, I grabbed the mask and said, "we've done this many times, Jack knows what to do." I put the mask up to him and he didn't even flinch, he didn't cry, he didn't move. Almost to say, don't worry Mom I've got this one. The dude sat there like a champ! He did the entire neb without pushing off the mask. I was so proud! Shut your face Nurse toxic waste!

I got him dressed, we gathered up our belongings and walked to the door. Before we left Nurse I'm an idiot said, "I hope your big guy feels better soon."

I turned and said, "I think a nice big bottle will do the trick." seeeeeeeeeeeee ya!

best -