Neighbor Wars part I

We have a gem of a neighbor. It's every ones worse nightmare. Cops are there every other month or so. He goes anyway, comes back some months later wearing some jewelry on his ankle. His winter attire is a indoor soccer warm up, his summer outfit is jean cut off shorts, no shirt, beer belly hanging out and matching beer can. (at all hours of the day) He doesn't work, nooooo, why would he? He has 4 black beat up cars that of course don't get parked in the garage. These beauts stay on the street! And in the summer he washes them daily. If you aren't in love yet just wait. His most enduring quality, ladies start lining up, are the lovely sound effects he makes. I'll never fully understand the need for men to "hawk a loogie" - why? You are sniffling up your phlegm to spit it out your mouth? Just a shot in the dark but a tissue seems a bit easier. Mr.Man spits, hawks, coughs, hacks, spits, makes that loud sucking up noise and then spits out his lung cookie. He is rank. But the best part of all are the snot rockets! You heard me right. I recently learned that this is also called a farmer snort. Anyway you slice it it's the most disgusting thing in the world.

The other morning we are getting in the car. I see him out there, great. He starts up his hacking. Cough Cough Cough, hack hack hack. Puff Puff Puff - it's not the cigarettes, no no no no no. And then the nose clear, a snot rocket. I quickly load Jack in his seat.

Sydney says "What is that?"

Me "Our disgusting neighbor"

Sydney "What is he doing"

Me "Shooting a snot rocket"

Sydney "WHAT?!?! He is shooting rockets?"

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One week later....

9:00pm Fire trucks pulled into the neighborhood.

I run into Sydney's room, her window has the best view! They pull up to icky neighbors house.

Sydney "MOMMY! That's snotrods house!"

Me "yes!" ::laughing::

Sydney "Are they taking him away for shooting his rockets?"

Me ::now laughing my ass off:: "I hope so!"

to be continued...

-best